The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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