if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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