Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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