why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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