peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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