I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
