It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize