FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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