Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
