That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need moral support for this bender
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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