Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
