So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
