my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
