Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize