You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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