I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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