Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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