So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
