i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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