i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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