I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think my fart just growled at me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
