...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
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Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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