woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
