I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
