Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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