People with herpes should wear stickers.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize