I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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