I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
