i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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