I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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