so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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