she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
