our cab driver is having phone sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
