Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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