the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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