ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
this hospital has no fireball
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
