Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
