Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
