My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
