I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
