No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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