I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
