wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
