apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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