I'm gonna have a badass scar
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
