If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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