In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk is not a location!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
