Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So here I am, sexting at work.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
