there's paper in my vomit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
