She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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