never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
