i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
