i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
