just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
