I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize