I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
